Peach Jam

Peach Jam


"'Ew, that's disgusting. Horrible taste. Can't believe somebody would even consider that a jam. ...Wait, you said Peach? Oh okay, I thought you were talking about Perch Jam. I love Peach Jam.' - Mel Gibson, 2013" "'Please no! Keep away from me! Stay back! I don't wanna die! NO!!!!!' - Super Smash Bros. Brawly, 2014""'Yeah baby, I love your peaches. What do you say we get out of here and find a place more private? Oh, you have a camera? Group jobs cost extra and filming it is double. I also don't do fis-' - Pebbles Flintstone, 3800 B.C.""' I will never say Peach Jam is delicious' - Detective 'Handsome' Looker, 2015"Peach Jam is widely regarded as the cult celebrity of the Spreadables Community, most famous for it's guest starring roles in Kidz Next Door as the secret Fourth Flavor, Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark as the boulder trap, and in Barbie: Life in the Dream House as Ken

Rise to Power
Peach Jam was just a small town jar living in a lonely bar until it took the midnight train going all around the world while statues crumbled for it. Afterwards, it walked 500 miles and slept till September ended and renegade pirate/business investor Aqua Boss Archie stole it thinking it was a normal piece of plunder. Once the two teamed together they quickly began ransacking grocery stores left and right. Their bloody rise to power is a tale so cutthroat and gruesome that simply mentioning the locations involved will leave people with horrific Vietnam-style flashbacks on VHS, causing them to grow increasingly insane as they try in vain to find a means to play it and properly reenact the horror of the scenes. Luckily, to protect the lives of the innocent, the CIA issued a direct order to perform an ancient Eldrich ritual to reanimate former President Abraham Lincoln, then convinced him to use his powers of the undead to walk town to town and peacefully convince the local governments to ban the use and sale of VHS tapes; thereby preventing the endless curse of trying to find a VHS player in the modern age of technology.

However, their cruel ways meant that eventually one would appear to challenge their might, and that day came when Detective Looker and Hex Maniac heard of a team that was threatening the very existence of Jam itself. Worrying that their positions as the top Jams in the world would be threatened, Looker and Hex snuck into their ship to disrupt their power creep. Looker, having an undying rage of all things that aren't purple, quickly tracked and subdued the jar of Peach Jam; tying it up and throwing it overboard. However, Looker forgot that jam neither breathes nor is hindered by ropes. However, the jar also had no means of swimming in the waters and was lost at sea for five months while it made the slow seafloor journey to Florida. Once there, it ran into Archie and Hex and, once reunited, murdered Super Smash Bros. Brawly, buried his jam, and claimed his position as the final members of the Jam Crusaders.